How to Take a Great Naked Cell Phone Photo

We’ve all had this happen to us…we’re in the middle of a good sexting session and it comes to the point where it’s time to send out some naughty pictures. This is either gonna make or break the whole sexversation. To help out my fellow sexters, I developed two simple rules and six tips to make this experience as awesome as possible.

Rule # 1: Ladies, under no circumstance should you ever include your face in one of these photos. The last thing you need is a naked picture of you showing up on twitter with a caption that reads “check out this bitch, she sended titties, yo” (As a side note, anyone who refers to women as bitches, lacks the ability to write a sentence and is still using a 90’s term like “yo” at the end of his poorly constructed sentences, is probably an asshole and you shouldn’t be sexting with him in the first place.)

Rule # 2: Gentleman, once you have received, viewed and used the pictures, delete them from your phone! I don’t care how careful you think you are, eventually you’re gonna get busted. If you want to save them for future reference—and we all do—just forward them to the secret email address you don’t tell your girlfriend/fiancée/wife about. Let’s all be smart here and learn from Tiger Woods.

Now here are six tips for getting the optimal cell phone picture. This advice is for the ladies more than the guys. I’m mean, I guess if you’re into getting pictures of cocks on your phone you could pass this along to your guy friends. Let’s be honest here, there's nothing attractive about the cock. The cock is more utilitarian and not really a work of art in my opinion. Boobs are a different story, so when photographing them, remember the following:

1. Light is your friend. Everyone looks great in candlelight and under a full moon, but you’ll never capture the mood this kind of light creates with a cell phone. The camera lens is simply too small and you have no way to adjust the aperture or shutter speed. You can use lamps or different kinds of light bulbs. Experiment until you find the best light to fit your theme. Good lighting will help you capture an image that best represents your sexiness.

2. Pick the right theme. The last picture I want to see is one where you stand at the mirror and I can see the phone and your toilet in the background. Toilets are decidedly not sexy. The theme should fit your personality, or the fake persona you are trying to create with your sexting. Why not try out some props? Here’s a great site where you could get some cheap leather chaps and some nipple clamps, if you’re into that sorta thing:  http://www.adamevetoys.com

3. Framing. We all make the same mistake and think that being in the center of the frame makes the best photo. Wrong. Try to practice the rule of thirds. Here’s a great explanation of it: http://digital-photography-school.com/rule-of-thirds. Doing this will help you add some great subtext to your photos.

4 . Camera position. The best technique I have found to get an optimal photo of boobs is to take the photo from an angle. If you take a straight on shot you are going to miss out on capturing the shape of your boobs. Plus, taking a shot from an angle is a better representation of the size of your breasts. And don’t worry about your breast size so much. Big or small, we like ‘em all.

5. Practice the "Art of the Tease." Guys are like fucking animals and we like the chase. If you give us the good stuff right out of the gate it kinda ruins the chase for us. Send one with your shirt unbuttoned, then maybe move on to one of you in some sexy underwear. Or try sending one where you are naked, but the picture is a bit blurred. You can achieve this effect by moving the camera slightly when taking the photo.

6. Make a photo stockpile. This is the best advice I can give. The last thing you want to do is ruin the flow of a good sexting session by having to pause 45 minutes to set up lights and put on your nipple clamps. In your spare time, take a few so they are ready to go when you need them. Ladies, please follow the advice I gave to the men and delete the sent messages. It’s ok if you have these pictures stored in your phone because no guy in his right mind is going to be upset if he finds naked pictures of you in your photo gallery.

Also remember to follow rule number one so that if you ever lose your phone there is no chance your face will end up on the Internet.

I wish you luck and I am available for consultations if you want some one-on-one advice. Just hit me up on my Facebook page. No cocks please.

~Tip