What the h do strippers have to do with MMA?

Hey Tippy,

What are you talking about?  Honestly, I wouldn't know since I haven't actually read anything you've posted.  Your lame-o titles almost put me into a read-coma, and I am here to literately pin you until you pound the grammer mat.  In fact, I think you need to find your nearest time-travel receptacle, go back, and thank your English Teacher for absolutely NOTHING.

I have never actually had the pleasure of frequenting the establishment in which nekked ladies shuck and jive their goodies aboot.  Like my Canadian accent?  However, my dog, Jackson, loves TD's and from time to time I have to drop him off at I-25 and San Mateo so that he can get his lap-dance on.

My only lament is, he insists on taking a satchel of quarters.  Why?  I quote my dog: "Oh, the dulcet tones of quarters clanging around in some stripper's G-string whilst she prances around the pole".

ANYHOO.  I am duly insulted on behalf of people who don't drive hoopties, are covered in tats, and like beer imbibed outside of a paper bag.  Please essplain to me why you think our fine patrons would give a rat's a** about strippers and what they smell like?  By the way, Jackson thinks they smell like rain and freshly shampoo'd puppies and blue.

Here's my review of men who review strip clubs (I'm totally making this up, by the way):

They smell like an Axe commercial had a baby with Steven Segal smoking a Swisher Sweet.  If you are completely turned on by the comb-over, then, my friend, this is YOUR SCENE.  In my opinion, only Magnum P.I. could handily rock the 'stache, but damn if your local stripper club gentleman ain't trying.  You can tell by the wanna-be porn-shadow that is barely discernible above his top lip.  Speaking of lips, if they are flapping, only pretend to listen.  I'm pretty sure all you would get anyway is "blah blee bloo CAR ha hee BOOBS blah blee WHAT DO YOU MEAN I HAVE TO BUY ANOTHER DRINK TO SIT HERE I ONLY CAME IN WITH TEN DOLLARS".  And seriously, what is up with the guy trying to get his lap-dancer to cash a check?

Besides, don't you know that strippers are only working their way through medical school?  Don't hate, sucker.

Love.  Love is, is what I got.

I said remember that!

Meantime, get back to me on how strippers have anything to do with Mixed Martial Arts.  Unless you're angling for naked UFC.  NUFC.  I...kind of secretly like it.

You might be a genius.

~Daisy