Why do all strippers all smell the same?

Simple: It’s a splendid combination of baby oil, Victoria's Secret Pure Seduction or Love Spell body spray and broken dreams. I consider the stripper to be one of the cornerstones of our democracy. They are as American as apple pie, summer baseball games and pretending to give a fuck about the environment.

One of my favorite hobbies is getting table dances. To me there is nothing better than having a future nurse/dental hygienist rub her titties all up in my business. So I figured as a service to all our Heavy Hands fans I will start a new feature: my analysis of some of the best strip clubs in America. How the fuck am I qualified to do that, you may ask? Well I have been to more than 40 different strip clubs throughout 16 cities in 9 states. I also once stuffed $990 of my cockfighting money into the thong of a dancer named Cashmere in just three short hours…on Christmas. I mean I’m not a member of Motley Crue or anything like that so I’ll probably never get to do that again, but I do think it qualifies me as an aficionado of strip clubs.

I’m gonna come out strong for this new feature by starting with my favorite club: TD’s North in Albuquerque, NM. I consider this my home base for skullduggerous stripper activity. Check back here Friday for my full analysis of one of the best strip clubs in the Southwest.

~Tip